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Update 11-02-01
By J.G.
Ah, we've finally hit the one week mark here at Knoblik. Looking back, there have been some good times, some bad times, but we and our readers (both of you) got through it together. And like all of the other established comedy sites out there, we've been getting compliments out the ol' wazoo.
If the mental amoebas who post this crap
on the 'net actually had
brains, they would yank them out and play
fetch with them.
-FreddyFreedom
Wow, praise from Caeser! Well in the interest of maintaining such high standards, we're introducing a new feature. From now on, assuming I'm not too busy fighting off the beautiful webmaster groupies that are bound to flock to my home, every Friday is Fetish Friday here at Knoblik! Each week, we take an in depth look at a different deviant sexual fetish! I'm sure your just juicin' yer jeans in anticipation, so without firther ado...
The question that has posed itself to comedy writers time and time again has always been; "Can pedophilia be funny?" Several brutal open-mic nite lynchings later, the answer seems to be a resounding "apparently not." The reason this is such a hot button with so many people seems simple; discrimination. In this day and age, making fun of people's sexuality is considered worse than making fun of their race. How nice that pedophiles have managed to integrate themselves into society so well. Why from NAMBLA to that Olsen Twins magazine, you practically can't throw a rock without hitting some pedo-perephenalia.
Well, I'm not here to make fun of the gentle pedophile. No, I'm here to exploit their perverted behavior for cash! But since child-pornography is still considered "illegal" here in the U.S, our patriotic pedophiles have no access to steamy, stimulating images. What can be done? A recent trip to Six Flags revealed to me a sleazy, despicable, and totally legal form of child exploitation. You see, when your out in a public place, exposing yourself to countless total strangers, there is a simple rule that many girls in this country follow. Whether your 8 or 80, the simple fact is: You're never too young for a bikini!
Introducing Nevertooyoungforabikini.com!
That's right! For only $19.99 a month, you can gain access to our massive
collection of pre-teen cuties sporting the season's sexiest looks!
FREE PREVIEW!
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Ugh. Luckily my conscience is clear because I only stole these images. Please direct any comments to the owners of the websites here, here, and here. In all cases, I believe the makers are actually the girls' parents, so no language that you wouldn't want a child to see! Now if you'll excuse me, I must go pray for my own soul.
What? That wasn't enough?
This is hardly the beginning! I've already established the paragon of pedophile websites!
Click if you dare.